killing me

i want to be talented, holistic
good at everything

sports, art, misic and academic

also "keeping an infectious up-beat spirit"

and willing to give my time and energy

the fact is that i'm real rubbish

always living in the past
when can I learn to let go of them
waiting like an utter moron
blaming for their cruelties and coolnesses
simultaneously, suffering
in deep agony and it just happens on and on

on the edge of collapse
shattered already





still waiting for your reply like an idiot


at least it had some positive impacts
or perhaps,
torture




i dont think that i can stand it anymore