我想你們在世界上某個角落

油頭、Gogo，你們還在吧？
你們不在Heavy身旁時，他總是食不下嚥打了個噴嚏就揚長而去。
食物大半都留給nocat跟那相信你們已可獨立自主日漸發福的媽媽了
信誓旦旦地說要對你們負責，但你們在哪？

我好想念你們手足三個一齊亮相的時光（雖然偶爾會有一個遲到，但另外兩個都會好無奈無私地退一步、讓遲到大王吃）
想念吃完的你們，各自自在地在我面前做自己的事，或休息打盹、或玩弄身邊任何可玩之物（鐵絲、樹枝、昆蟲）
想念我們（其實只有我）的難分難捨，蚊子都快吸飽了還是想一直看著你們三個小野喵－從六月小老鼠大小長到現在六個月大的三位寶貝。

我不能用這些美好的回憶來欺騙自己其實是元兇的事實
你們會感冒，應該是因為去了康廷；你們會去康廷，則是我帶你們去的。
不經過當事貓的同意，我決定了你們的結紮大權，以為這樣對你們最好。
但我深深深深深深的後悔了.....
我甚至再也看不到你們了，再也做不了什麼來幫助你們




，我說這幾個禮拜。
你們會再出現吧？




罪惡不捨悔恨的我真的好想想想念你們
你們的弟弟/哥哥一定更想你們
那孤單的背影有如殺千刀般痛
那噴嚏聲有如悲鳴般的痛心






我到底做了什麼.................................

it's really about.....

being thoughtful and smart

how can i blame a person for not thinking the way i do?
it is selfish thinking that my POV is unquestionable
yes, think
think harder
think more


remember how i hated cats before i met Guli?
i scared cats away with disgust when they came into sight
i thought they were devils cursing and gazing upon us

then, i met Hegel

and his cat, Guli, with no fondness for him


it was not until two or three months did i started to bond with him, appreciate, cherish him and find great bliss from his company
(and of course, a sense of security or being needed)


separated
great ___

i met three other cute kittens and their mom

a light rekindled



to be continued

tears

i cried

tears came down in torrents

i'm not sure why i cried.

cuz of the loss of 7000NTD?

cuz I thought my mom has prejudice against me?

cuz I thought my mom treats me unfairly,

that she is way too subjective, grumpy, immature, showing her own anxiety and pressure in the worst way...

or cuz my dad's blaze of anger

cuz i realized how great I had disappointed him and how great i was disappointed by'em


what i had accused my mom of may be what she had blamed me for



seriously,

we all suck so badly.



i hate to cry



minutes ago..

i cried so hard



i need support


thirst for it




i dont think i can guide my own way with the right attitude since then

disoriented


lost



help me



life should be driven by _____ .








?

furious

i'm so damned rubbishy.

it has been an year.
wtf am I doing now?
fuck you

damn it

i'm way too introverted
why cant i be more eager?
shouldnt i strive for my own future?

perhaps, i shouldn't blame you
i should be responsible for my own life
it's all about creating and seizing opportunities

and i suck awfully in this aspect


hopelessly furious

aint ppl there to hold me









moody

you have a strong impact on me
it agonizes me when I can't tell you how much I care'bout you.







in agony

What hurts the most?

What hurts the most
is being so close

but we have so less to say


stop saying it

prove it




I can't stand it
nor can I understand it






Am I expecting too much?





Alexander help me

let's date again

and plz protect my tofu



I'll say what I should say

fuck it

how dare u

男女

是好煩躁的十天
完全搞亂了我的生活步調
春假有5篇journal 1篇essay 1本書的reading journal
還有好多信想要寫
好多卡片想要做
甚至還想運動

我全都達不到 這個春假


我不瞭解你
你也不了解我
你為什麼來找我
你有什麼企圖
我有被flatter到
但沒有想到接下來是這麼讓我心煩
我開始期待
落空的失望
我在意你
但我到底喜不喜歡你?
你在想什麼
你知道我有多痛苦嗎
苦了豆花
謝謝你豆花

好煩的關係

總之
謝謝你的付出
牽手感覺很可愛
也許我想要有個依賴
可是這太複雜了
心理生理?
不能同時滿足
猜忌
是不信任的
我會痛苦
該不該做個了斷
你知道我有多優柔寡斷
我根本搞不清楚自己在想什麼

至少
讓我知道你在想什麼